February 20th, 2008 at 11:17 pm (Iraq)
In writing the title I feel like I’m writing my own prison sentence. I imagine that actual prison time would drag by, while this is flying by. Last year when I was here I felt as if every moment dragged by. No matter how busy I was, I felt like each day, each month and finally the year would never end and I would be stuck here in Iraq forever.
So why the change. What has changed my mindset so completely that I no longer notice the passing of time. I barely notice as the days flow in and out. Is it Curtis being here? Is it me being a civilian? Is it this sense of feeling less obligated to my country for some reason, even if I still work hard?
When I was here as a soldier last year I took so much pride in serving my country. I wore the uniform and served with all my heart and soul. But now it’s different. I’m not here in uniform. While mine and Curtis’s job are important (more his than mine), its somehow different. Last year I would have laid down my life in an instant, but I no longer feel that way.
I’m sure as I spend the next 347 days grappling with these thoughts and feelings I will eventually come to some kind of conclusion. Until then I remain as ever, confused and learning.